Who would have ever thought that my little old (and slightly grumpy) Hebrew professor would turn in to a friend of mine? I think it's good for him because he has a personality that tends to keep others at bay. I just come in and crack jokes and push his buttons until he screams back at me. LOL I like my talks with him because he's sort of like a teacher/father mentor to me. We all know that my own dad doesn't fill that roll and it's kinds of nice to find someone with a vested interest in how I'm doing. I mean, I honestly don't have a lot of people that are checked in with me, yk? I'm not the most liked person in my family or my extended family. I'll take support whenever I can get it.
I feel like I'm letting myself down right now because I'm letting things get to me. I will be the first one in my family to graduate from college this spring. My dad, sister and brother do not care. I have close friends that support me, but it is still hard when your own family doesn't support you like you think you want them to. If it were Matt's family, it would be a huge momentous occasion. I just worked really hard for this. All the homework, all the kids, all the stress, all the issues....newborn...I handle it all. And it's just really really hard.
Another blow today when sperm donor's mom told me that she didn't want to hear from me again about "anything." That is what she called my baby: "anything." He does not exist to any of them. I don't feel bad for me, but my heart aches for R. One day he is going to feel rejected because of them. I'm so glad M. loves him like his own. After the conversation with his mother, I'm sure I'm setting myself up for retaliation from the stalker. I'm sure he will email my brother and sister next. He can't say more than he's already said about me to everyone else (including my University) and my siblings already don't give a rats ass about me. Let's hope it stops there. I don't have it in me to go through this again.
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